A Lame Excuse By Any Other Name, Is Still Lame

I received an email in my inbox, specifically to a folder where I redirect the emails from my ex. It was dated several days ago.

Having his emails rerouted out of my Inbox is therapeutic. Since thinking about him still pisses me off, I see no point in allowing him to be the thing that sends me spinning off into the anger vortex. This way I can see his emails when I’m good and ready–not have them sneak-attack-me at random times of the day.

His email had some complaint about how I don’t respond to his emails, and had I done so more consistently, he would have wished me a happy birthday. To which I replied, the date of my birth never changed; when I would see the email on my end is irrelevant. Had you wanted to commemorate the day with an ecard, you would have.

What he is giving me now is his manipulative excuse, where he tries to place the blame for his inability to follow through with a birthday greeting somehow on me. Then he tries to avoid apologizing for forgetting my birthday by attempting to prove that he didn’t forget it. Instead making it more obvious what a big loser he is by giving me a lame ass excuse for why this email is not only late, but really just a thinly veiled intro for what he is really complaining about, which is that he is not #1 in my life (and in this case, my inbox) anymore.

Well, whatever crap he is selling, I’m not buying.

Well, I gave him a much shorter and less eloquent version of that reply, but the sentiment was the same. How lame can one be to use that excuse? Oh, I know! Exactly that lame. As pathetic as he is. An excuse is a lie told to make yourself feel better about your obviously flawed decision.

Once my eyes were opened to the truth of his passive-aggressive manipulations*, it was easier to spot the moments when he is trying to wield his hocus pocus on me and avoid the pattern where I throw myself into a shame spiral, beating myself up because I was not doing enough to “win” his attention/love/approval, etc. Basically a pointless endeavor, can’t bleed a turnip (am I mixing metaphors?).

This is a small win for me, a small step forward on the long, long, LONG road to emotional recovery.

*this is a whole other blog post…