Bracing For Impact…

I must be suffering from the effects of residual stress because my head has been pounding all day. I can only assume that it is my body reacting to what I have yet to wrap my mind around completely: that in a matter of hours my calm will be disrupted by the arrival of mr horrible. I have been too busy to really stop and take stock.

If it’s not the busyness of college work and associated studying, it is the busyness of being a mother. Or the busyness of worrying over my cat who finally, after a grueling three week recovery, is finally showing signs that he is truly on the mend. Whatever the reason, the last thing on the forefront of my mind has been mr horrible’s impending arrival and I think my mind has decided it has had enough. Calgon, take me away!

So today and tomorrow will be spent steadily tackling my to do list. Mostly tidying my apartment and making sure anything of personal significance is hidden from view. I know him well enough to know I trust him to do something stupid. I trust him even less when he is alone, as I expect he will be brimming with curiosity and eager to poke and prod every corner of my sanctuary to discover its secrets.

My worst nightmare would be to discover evidence that he has then shared the status of my lair with his bitch/whore of a married girlfriend back east. I can hardly expect him to “keep it in his pants” so to speak for the next several days. I wouldn’t put it past him to disrespect me in my own home, he had no such qualms when we were sharing a bed.

Now, when his arrival has gone from theoretical to actual, I am already tired. I am mentally tired from having to once again focus on this blight on the butt of humanity who happens to be the father of my children. I am tired because I know not to expect mature behavior.

I am tired because I am going to have to leave him to his own devices in my apartment as he has unfortunately chosen to arrive in the middle of the week, and neither I nor the children can afford to miss classes this week. It will undoubtedly chap his ego to discover that I have no intentions of keeping them out of school, not this week when there are important tests being given in both their grades.

I still haven’t figured out whether to contrive a subterfuge to conceal my college attendance. If I didn’t care to maintain a good grade point average I would bail on my classes this week just so he wouldn’t know. Luck is not favoring that plan this week, and the majority of my classes have some major activity taking place this very week.

Oh, this injustice of it all. I should have never agreed to house his putrid hide in my apartment for the duration of his stay. When I agreed to it, at the time, it seemed so uncomplicated.

It is hard to care about the arrival of an individual I couldn’t care less about. I know it will delight my children, for whom this is a complete surprise! I am over it already and it hasn’t even begun. Sigh.