Studies Show Textbook Douchebaggery Causes Irritation…

It is amazing how quickly I can go from zero to full on rage… it doesn’t happen often. But when it does, it’s caused by mr horrible… (Sounds like a Dos Equis commercial. If only I were the most interesting wo-man in the world. Stay bloodthirsty my friends…)

I began my lunch and I thought it was going to be rather uneventful. But no… instead I glanced at my phone and saw that I had a text message from someone unexpected. mr horrible never texts me. I guess he needed to keep up the pretense that he is anti-technology, and that he will never conform (as he ranted to me during the divorce) and that he would never get a smartphone (despite the recent acquisition of an iPhone not three weeks ago).

I was not, however, amused when I read that the text was actually intended for his bitch whore of a girlfriend. So I texted him back letting him know he reached me erroneously, lest he send me another unwelcome text meant for someone else. At which point he realizes his mistake, and attempts to gloss over his horrendous faux pas by asking me a question about something that had happened the day before.

I don’t know if he remembers or not, but I am not fooled by his weak ass attempts at redirection, so my reply was curt. I was going to let it drop there and go back to eating my lunch, and I tried to redirect my attention to my textbook, trying to get back to the reading I wanted to complete before heading back, but it wasn’t to be.

Instead, I could feel my rage building within. My heart was beating fast, my mind racing with every reminder of the insult this divorce has inflicted on my mental state, my emotional state. His careless text was just another reminder of the shitty marriage I finally let go of, and all of it pissed me off, spinning off into a spiral of hateful thoughts.

Why am I the only one who suffers the hurt? Why am I the only one, from what I can tell, who gives a crap about the legacy I am leaving behind? Why am I the only one who seems to be emotionally damaged from all of this? Why am I the only one who feels the loss?

That is one of the aspects of the divorce that I don’t think I will ever manage to get over. Just the sheer injustice of it all. It really feels like he managed to get off scot free! Nothing happened to him, he doesn’t feel any remorse, his actions don’t show that he is suffering any loss and life for him is just as it ever was, lived selfishly for himself and his pleasure with no regard to anyone else. Typical mr horrible level douchebaggery.

With that single stupid smiley face emoticon that the idiot bastard sent to my phone, I was on the verge of a murderous rage.

How dare he text smiley faces to that bitch? What the hell did I do to deserve being mistreated for years on end, when in the midst of the relationship, when I believed myself to be so in love and fighting tooth and nail for the worthless relationship I was in, I wasn’t deemed worthy of him having a phone that would text, of making the effort to text me just to send me stupid little emoticons. There is no fairness in the world at all.

Am I bitter? Yes. I am not going to sugar coat it. Times like these I want to just say FUCK everything because it’s just not freaking fair.

Am I pissed off? Yes. What the hell? Where’s my reward? Where’s my justice for what I went through? Where’s my goddamned prize for being the only one who actually gave a crap about the marriage and actually taking the vows seriously? Huh? What’s that gonna count for?

I wasn’t going to swallow it down and suppress my anger and tell myself it all happened for a reason. Fuck that crap. That’s loser talk. So I sent him a very concise explanatory reply text letting him know that his thoughtless text sent to me in error was just another jab in the open wound that is my pride.

My curt reply was clearly provoked by his lame attempt to feign interest in my life by asking me a question that had he not mistakenly communicated with me, he had no intention of EVER purposely communicating about it with me at all, and that obvious omission was just as insulting. This was just so he was clear on what piqued my ire, and not cause to add more fuel to his crusade to treat me like shit to my face and behind my back. Especially since the (content of) mistake text conclusively led me to believe that he was meeting up with her in the middle of the day instead of being at work. Aarrgh!

I swear, I don’t know why I have to put up with this shit! It really isn’t flipping fair. What the hell did I ever do to draw such a shitty hand when it comes to dudes? My dad and every male on both sides of my family (by blood and marriage) are self-centered pricks, and mr horrible is just the biggest loser dick of them all. What the hell…

The good news is that I felt loads better once I got that text out of my system. I was able to get back to my reading assignment and finish it before my lunch was over. However, it left a sour taste on my day which I hope will not linger like a bad stink over the rest of my weekend. I don’t think it’s over-reacting to say there will be no right to this wrong until he is in a pine box under the ground.