Back in the Emotional Support Saddle Again

I am back in the emotional support saddle again. How do I find myself having to provide support to people in my life? Needy people who take and take, and never seem to give. Do you ever get the feeling that some people in your life don’t have a fucking clue what they’re doing? Does it ever frustrate you to watch a friend have the same epiphany about their life and claim they’re ready for change, only to watch them get back on the same merry go round? Well, here I go again.

Something has to give – how much is enough emotional support?

Once again, one of my really good friends is having a fucking crisis. Ever since he started dating this guy, every week is a new cataclysmic event that is making him question his life goals, his work ethic, his job choices. Jesus. I can’t keep up as he is on again off again with this shitty guy, and just how he has regressed from a confident, and competent adult, to an abused, uncertain shell of a man. It is hard to watch.

Harder still is watching as friends and family who see his suffering offer him advice and try to boost him up so he will be strong enough to leave the asshole. He listens, he agrees, and he vows that this is the final straw, that he is going to take a step back and advocate for himself. Their defeat (and my own) when the very next day he is back to the same old shenanigans. Worse is the casualness in which he describes the reasons and steps to how he came to be in the same place where he started.

Second verse, same as the first

At some point, we have to give up hope. Hope that he will change and grow. I have grown weary listening to his new tale of woe with this asshat of a boy. X brings up his age whenever he wants to make excuses for the asshat being an abusive jerk. Like that is a reason. 16, 26, or 56. Abuse is abuse, even if you permit it. That is the point.

Every other week X calls me with a new report of how he has been hurt or disrespected. I can’t even.

He has stepped into this situation eyes wide open, but with every event that proves fuckboy to be the absolute worst person, X doubles down and sticks it out longer with him. They have been together 4 1/2 months now, but it feels like dog years.

Repeating the same mistakes

It is funnier still that X asked me back in August to watch a video that talked about attachment styles. We discussed the interpretation of the video at length. We discussed the past, how embarking on this relationship was a gamble and was he making the right choice? I don’t know why he asked.

Looking back, I see now he had no intention of not moving forward with this relationship. I summarily did not support this relationship based on the fact that they had nothing in common, and that it was not smart to get involved with someone at work that somewhat indirectly reported to him. I warned him. Sometimes I want to not have to say: I told you so.

Messiness ahead

Another factor I pointed out that was not in the other guy’s favor: he had previously dated X’s coworker, the soup sandwich and that they were still “hanging out”. It didn’t take a clairvoyant to see that was going to end up very messy.

The soup sandwich, despite protesting that they were just friends, and there was nothing between him and the fuckboy, didn’t give any indications that they were done. Soupy is the sort who licks his toys, doesn’t like to share, and if the fuckboy ever gave an indication that Soupy still had a chance, Soupy would get in his pants no questions asked.

What about that situation sounds ideal? How can X think mixing work and personal would work out? Did he think that his petty coworker would let him live happily ever after? And considering the fickle fuckboy nature, what made him think this was a good place to get back into the dating pool?

It can’t rain all the time

I don’t know how much more of this emotional support pressure I can take! Frankly, I have lost interest. I can’t fake sincerity or a real investment in his feelings and the supposed turmoil that this relationship is causing him. I am BORED of the same old story.

At some point this will be over, right? I am holding on to the hope that one day either the fuckboy will walk away after finding someone better to pass the time with and/or X will grow dissatisfied with being the fuckboy’s side piece and get on with his life. When will he get his life back on track?! For fucks sake. 😭😫