Deja Vu Drama

I am having deja vu. The last week or so, my friend Jem, who is also a work colleague, has been acting distant and dismissive at work. I thought it was me, and that I was perhaps having a hypercritical moment, but time passed and it has not gotten better. Something similar has happened before and ain’t nobody got time to go through that again…

My concerns that history are about to repeat themselves are growing.

Today Jem came up to me and asked me if something that needed fixing had been completed. I had passed the assignment to my immediate coworker since I was working on another project that I had to complete before I went home, and my project was not only time sensitive, this information needed to get to a level higher up.

This other issue she asked about didn’t need me specifically to resolve it. She started to get loud, the volume of her voice rising for no apparent reason. I could sense the frustration coming off of her in waves and it was low key freaking me out.

As I sat there at my desk trying to complete my assignment, she continued to get loud, and at one point she said “Do you feel like you don’t get paid enough?”.

I was a bit confused, and I said, yes and no. I don’t particularly know how much others earn, so it’s not my concern, but do I feel that there are some folks I know make much more than me, but aren’t earning their keep? Yes. 100%.

There are managers who I know for a fact don’t justify their paycheck, spending their day on busy work, mismanaging their responsibilities and the shit just rolls down hill and ends up on my desk, either literally, or figuratively.

Either way, there is no point in getting upset over it. I like my job, so I intend to just do it, and look for opportunities for advancement by making sure that I am the clear choice when the time comes.

There are several people who share a similar work philosophy/ethic who I work with. Individuals who if it came time to promote, they would be the clear choice to rise to the next level because they are already kicking ass at their current level.

Sadly, she is not one of those people. I want to tell her this, but I already know my words will fall on deaf ears as we have had some semblance of this conversation before COVID happened. I can tell when I am getting nowhere with someone.

Avoid blind spots

Jem’s biggest flaw is she is petty. She funnels her anger into getting revenge and in being underhanded just to “get back” at people. We are not in high school, and that is certainly not the kind of attitude that you want from someone in leadership.

She is already in a lead position, but she isn’t going to rise higher because she doesn’t know how to wear a fake face. She thinks I am getting as far as I am because I love or appreciate every person I encounter, or have to partner with? Fuck no.

Most people suck. Most people are unreliable. But if there is one thing I learned in the military it’s that just because something is important to me, doesn’t mean it is important to anyone else.

So if I have an issue that requires follow up, I can’t assume that the person who has to handle something is going to prioritize it the same way I do. Therefore, the onus of making sure the issue is followed through to the end falls on me.

No one else.

Therefore, if I want someone to get something done, I have to find what motivates them and come at them from that direction. Help them help me.

No Lessons Learned – Deja Vu

She doesn’t seem to get that, and when things fall through the cracks, she passive aggressive tries to show her discontent with super sarcasm at inappropriate times, or gives that person the silent treatment. Well guess where that is going to get you? Nowhere. And that is where she currently is.

Last month, I was made project manager for a major software/system upgrade at our location. The first phase, last year, I was merely involved in the process, on the periphery.

But I taught myself, and became a subject matter expert. Shared my knowledge with everyone to ensure that there was maximum system compliance and understanding. I helped to correct errors and troubleshoot.

So when the final round of upgrades were announced, I was chosen to lead this final stretch of the project. I can see where choosing me probably chapped some hides. I don’t give a single fuck about it. There were certainly others who probably felt that they should have been made lead, despite not knowing shit about the software.

If “they” wanted to lead it, they should have stepped up when it was needed instead of always deferring to me. They should have taken the initiative to learn everything there was about the project, like I did. Am I proud to have been chosen for this? Hell yes.

No Apologies

Am I going to apologize for getting this far and having been with the company a third of the amount of time as my friend? Hell no. I’m in it to win it. Whatever it takes, and whatever it looks like.

Today, it probably didn’t help my cause that the assignment I was working on was the kick off of Phase 2 of this project. I don’t think she liked being reminded that she was rejected from being involved. When they made me the project manager, they asked me who I wanted on the team to support and train others, since now I wasn’t going to be the lead trainer like I was last time.

I gave upper management her name, because she has expressed to me her wish to get on the training team, and she has been trying to learn the software, especially during the 2 weeks the soup sandwich was not at work. She was a big help and integral to helping keep my team on track despite being a man down.

Sadly, as soon as I gave her name, it was summarily rejected. I was told that she was needed to stay in her current role and that she would be busy enough with that department. Troubling indeed. I was disappointed, both for myself because I know that despite her personality issues, she is dependable, reliable, and knowledgeable. She was upset when I told her I had asked to have her on the team, and was denied.

Double Trouble

Double disappointment for her, there is a new addition to the departmental team. A result of another department being folded into ours as a result of restructuring due to the pandemic. And this new addition is not liked at all. However, where the rest of her team grins and bears it and have adapted to working with the quirks of the new addition, despite their obvious flaws, she has gone out of her way to show her dislike.

Kicking dirt in someone’s face only works if you have more power/influence than the person you are bullying. Her bullying has already backfired for Jem. The manager in charge has sent out emails (equally passive aggressive) about working together as a team and presenting a united front to the underlings, so on and so forth.

Even though we are close in age, I have, thanks to the crazy ass life I have led, just oodles of life experience dealing with people in all kinds of environments. Work, school, military, secular, religious, etc.

Keeping a respectable distance

The last time I considered someone at work a friend, that bitch ended up stabbing me in the back. Starting rumors about me all because she wanted to be in the position of authority that I had been in, and which I had earned all on my own.

I can’t seem to catch a break. I mean, I feel sorry for my friend, but she is going to have to take a chill pill because if she tries to come for me, well, she better be prepared to lose.

Deja Vu Drama – Double Down on Your Disappointment