New Year, Same Me

Happy New Year. Here we are again, at the beginning of a new year, it is that moment to reflect on the previous year and dream of what will come in this next one. It’s all new year, new me? Right? Not this time. Another year may have ended, but as I woke up from my nap to ring in the new year with a fizzle, I prepared for more of the same. Sometimes finding no change is what is new.

Silent rituals

I didn’t have big plans for this New Year’s Eve. I did the ball drop in Times Square, and I have been overseas and rung in the New Year foreign style. I have done the all-day house parties, and the sleepovers, and hosted soirees at my place. Not this time. I had no intention of spending my day doing anything other than trying out an underwhelming TikTok recipe (viral my ass) and watching movies. I even played a few video games.

Eventually, I passed out reading a book and was shaken awake by my son to remind me that it was about to turn to the new year. Imagine that. I almost slept through it. I got up, drank some bubbly, ate my grapes, and then went right back to my computer hoping I could once and for all beat that level I was on. Spoiler alert: I beat it 😉

Revealed Realizations

Though this might be roaming through familiar territory, what I did do was take some time to reflect. I thought about what has changed over the past year, and I have learned that though I have difficulty letting go of the past, I can dismiss old memories with no pain or struggle when push comes to shove.

Case and point – I was lying in bed reading a book when I heard a scuffle, a crash, and the distinct sound of breaking glass. Alarmed, because of all my cats, I ran out of my room to investigate. I think an old version of me would have been pissed at the broken things, and reacted accordingly. This version of me ran out of the room concerned for the kitties and assessing what it would take to make the area safe for them again.

Sure it was an inconvenience, but I was more annoyed that I had to put a pause in my book right when it was getting good than the issue of the fact that glasses from a crystal wine set were shattered and going in the trash. They’re just things. Not even important things.

Learning to let go

If anything, I felt some relief in having the decision taken from me about the glasses in general. I am more likely now to abandon the rest of the set, something that I have been loathe to do since I came to own them almost two decades ago.

I should be more willing to let them go because they were from the ex. But considering that I am entering a new era of having been divorced as long as I had been married, I am realizing just what a yoke these remnants of my past have become. And how much of my identity I need to shed that was tied to that odious man.

New Year, Same Me

I don’t need a new me this new year. I am content with the same me that I have found and will honor this version of me letting go of broken shit.