Not Falling For That Again…

I’m getting real tired of people taking advantage of my kindness. It starts out benign, one day they ask for a ride. Then the next thing you know, they act like it should be no big deal to get you to take them all over Timbuktu at the drop of a hat.

First, the person in particular about who I am complaining was already on my shit list for using her phone in the middle of a movie to look at her facebook page and text messages. That is a big no no for me. It’s annoying and, since there are at least 3 pre-movie commercials about how using your phone during a movie is rude and disruptive, when you do it, you are blatantly showing the world how ignorant and self-absorbed you are. She did it the first time we went to see a movie together. So that became the last time we saw a movie together.

I am not invested enough in that relationship to get in her face and tell her to cut that behavior out. We’re not good enough friends that her habits will continue to affect me. So when she sent me a text this weekend trying to hint that there was a new movie out this weekend, I didn’t rise to her bait. It’s clear that I am a means to an end, and that she sees me a convenience, since the movie mention was just days after she had asked for a ride to an appointment, as well as another where she tried to tag along with me to the state fair.

Secondly, if I say I am going to help someone out, just because they have my compliance, doesn’t mean that showing appreciation would be remiss.

I wouldn’t mind hearing that my efforts are appreciated. Otherwise, I am going to feel taken for granted. Especially if what I am doing is possibly an inconvenience for me, but I am doing it anyway because I gave my word.

Case and point: my friend’s mother who is currently using my apartment as her hotel/b&b with live in taxi service.

She is not acknowledging that her stay in my apartment has placed a HUGE financial burden on me as well as committed a lot of my personal time which is an inconvenience, and explains a lot about some incidents back in high school.

Separation and time has a way of making memories fuzzy and less accurate. Yet, prolonged exposure has a way of revealing the truth.

I remember there were some times when I would be standing at the corner waiting for the school bus, or the city bus because I had already missed the school bus (the stop was on the same corner for both) and I would see her drive by with my best friend in the car. She drove a big blue behemoth Buick and there was plenty of room that she could have stopped and picked me and my brother up and driven us to school. We were going to the same place.

It would really chap my hide when she did that, and it happened more often than not. I thought it was random, perhaps even coincidental, but I see now that in truth she just didn’t give a shit. The fact that she could have, at no great inconvenience to herself, done something out of the goodness of her heart, but she chose not to, says more about her character. It certainly explains why she is using me and not even offering to assist me in any way with the bills she is incurring at my expense.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt, telling myself that she didn’t see us as she drover by the corner. That had she seen us standing there, she would have stopped.

I had forgotten, and remembered only today, that years later my best friend (her son) revealed that all those times she drove by us, she knew we were there and chose not to stop on purpose, and even if she didn’t spot us initially, he always pointed us out, and she still didn’t stop.

All those days when I was left behind to wait for the city bus meant that I had to haul my carcass up the side of a small mountain, climb at least 100 sheer steps loaded down with my book laden backpack, also meant I was getting to 1st period sweaty, out of breath, tired and even more embarrassingly, super late. So yeah, I’m pretty pissed now that I remembered that revealing fact.

Every day this week I have driven her 30-45 minutes out of my way into downtown Dallas fighting rush hour traffic, on TOLL ROADS that I am not compensated for (so far the tab is at $30 for tolls alone). I then have to backtrack that same distance in reverse to my campus, only to have to return again in the afternoon, this time with traffic extending the drive 45-60 min. Then after picking her up, I drive that same amount of time back to my apartment, usually with my children in tow, so this is time being sucked from their lives as well.

So far this has added up to 10+ hrs I have spent on these highways driving someone to work who proceeds to tell me every day when I pick them up that the is pointless, that her day was a complete waste and she should have just retired. Gee, way to make my efforts for you feel even more pointless.

I will NEVER do this again. At this time, I am so disgusted with her and her son and their lack of consideration for my time and money, that I am not going to accept the invitation to visit for Thanksgiving.

I don’t see why I should spend my time around people who see me as just a means to their end.

I stuck this week out because I gave my word, so I follow through. However, I have learned from this experience and will not do it again. 8 hours remain until I will be dropping her off on someone else’s doorstep so she will be their problem for the last week of her stay in Dallas.

This experience has served to lift the veil on the relationship I thought I had with her. I realize now I was the only one who had placed actual value on it. It’s nice (in a not so nice way) to know where I stand. It’s no wonder I have serious trust issues with interpersonal relationships. People only manage to do one thing consistently to me: disappoint.