The COVID Diaries – Day 7

Quarantine Conversations with Myself

We just received news that someone we worked with was tested positive for COVID-19. They’re “contacting” coworkers who may have been in contact with that person. But are they really?

I have trust issues. So blindly believing when they say they’re contacting people doesn’t give me the warm fuzzies. Certainly not when I know that me and my coworker were removed from the email distribution list which means that there was a decision made higher up to limit the list of people privy to company emails containing sensitive information.

My inner conspiracy theorist is having a field day with this development. ESPECIALLY when in a group text, another coworker who happens to be a Team Lead and I know is still getting these emails acts super sketchy when it becomes known that we were removed from the distro after she asks if we saw the email this morning from the top manager.

Luckily, there is another lead in the group who is not as tight fisted with the information so I got the scoop from that source, but the actions of the other only confirms my suspicion that something is up.

I already had suspicions that someone at work was sick. This whole thing kicked off during the week that my kids were out on Spring Break, for which I had taken vacation time to spend with them. Only to find out during that week that the schools were closing for another week after the break to deal with this thing, at which point I knew it was only going to get worse.

My first day back there were two coworkers who were sick. When I asked them what their symptoms were, I was immediately checking off the boxes of OMG they have it, stay away from them and avoid breathing their air, and have my hand sanitizer on me at all times starting now. So am I surprised by this news? No.

Which is why I have been watching myself for symptoms. There was a moment a week ago where I was really scared and feeling down about how I was feeling. I had headaches and was feeling run down so I was concerned that it was the beginning of the end. But I didn’t develop any additional symptoms and it could have just been lack of caffeine… but I am still worried.

The headaches are intermittent. So I am cautiously waiting to see if I get worse. No phone call is not assurance that I wasn’t exposed. Could be the coworkers I suspected don’t get tested —which is actually what I suspect the outcome will be. The coworker who confirmed it may not recollect their movements on the days they worked and probably can’t recall exactly when they started having symptoms so it could have been something they either did or didn’t bring with them to work before we closed. Only time will tell…

I am a pro-procrastinator.

I also know that I make a lot of excuses for things, but if I really want to do something, I will make time for it to happen—depending on the complexity and cost, of course.

However, there are some things that I just need to ease into, and those require time for me to get into the right mindset. Time which I often do not have to spare.

The day before the quarantine I spent stocking up on food for the house. Adding to whatever stores I already had stocked at the house.

Day 1 of the quarantine I took my mother to the grocery store because even though she lives with my brother, he is the worst and clearly wasn’t going to do it despite that he was home. It was a short outing. Day 2, 3, 4 were spent in a blend of sleep, reading, watching movies, and playing video games. Not in any discernible order and with no schedule thereby losing all track of the days.

Day 4 my brother and my mom broke quarantine to come over my house and get the extra office chair I had in my garage. I thought it was Friday so had been sleeping when they showed up and discovered that it was in fact, Saturday. I had a tele-meeting coming up for work on Monday so I had to get my schedule sorted out. It did not motivate me to do more than lose sleep on the fear I would be sleeping and miss the meeting.

So here I am, Day 7 and only partially motivated to get started on the super long “Things to Do When I Have the Time List”. Especially when there are so many other things I would rather be doing, such as reading a book, writing in my journal, sleeping, or frankly anything else. Perhaps I am overwhelmed by the sheer amount of DIY projects that I don’t know where to begin. That is quite possible.

I have projects in the every room of the house, including the garage, as well as the yard… this overall is my least favorite part of owning a fixer upper. I mean, it isn’t uninhabitable and could I leave everything as is? Sure, but do I really want to? Absolutely not. And therein lies my dilemma. So hesitation leads to lack of action and avoidance makes me feel bad. So I yield to comfort and lean back on activities that I know make me happy, such as reading. And there goes another day of productivity gone.

I should focus on the if I don’t do it now, I never will aspect because the facts are I could get sick. So regardless if the quarantine is lifted or not, I could be physically unable to do anything and then I will regret missing the opportunity when I was well.

I can’t be the only person plagued with indecision.