What Do You Know About Pressure?

The last three weeks of my work life have been rather intense. The feeling of being under a microscope is strong, and I often wonder if people are talking about me. I don’t usually give into paranoid thoughts, but the feeling has been unusually strong in light of recent events.

Context clues

In order for this to make sense, I have to go back a little since I haven’t posted about my journey. In July of 2021, I was selected to be part of a pioneer accelerated leadership development program through my company. What I thought would be a good opportunity statewide, I found out after I was selected, turned out to be a global opportunity. A much bigger deal than anticipated. In turn, being a part of this program brought attention to me, but also to my store.

The additional attention meant that I was going to have fans and haters. I usually don’t spend too much time concerning myself with what others think of me because that is outside of my control, but I do know that I have been on the outside looking in at this location. Almost three years later and there are people who still question me and my methods.

Coincidentally, at the same time, I was going through the selection process for this program, I was applying for a promotion. I found out I got the promotion the same time I got into the leadership program. The promotion made me a mid-level manager, and it was a new opportunity at work. Both the position and the program came with expectations set by the store for what I could do for the business and my own personal expectations for my development.

Unrealistic expectations

On the one hand, the new role would have been a good 2 – 3 year step with the company. I could totally see myself doing that. Unfortunately, being part of an accelerated program means that I am expected to speed up the learning process. Since it is a brand new program, it is not well understood. And I also get the impression that because I was selected, some people at work think that somehow magically makes me instantly knowledgeable about things that I previously had no knowledge of.

This could be a real thing or all in my mind. So when I feel that I am under observation, I start questioning the motives of those around me.

Like, do people have an opinion about what I do? I felt like people were more impressed with me when I had a position that was not a decision-making position (read non-managerial). So is the extra judgment because I am a manager now? Is it because I have maintained positive relationships with coworkers in the store? Because there is some evidence that others who have gotten promoted have acted like they were too good to hang out with the rest of the plebes. Or they only got ahead by stepping on the backs of other people and taking credit for their work.

So is it jealousy over my positive relationships? Or of the promotion and the accelerated leadership program?

It is called “accelerated” for a reason

What I am more concerned about is the pressure because I don’t have time to “grow” into this role. I don’t think people realize that. The expectations of this program need me to progress faster than everyone else. I have to learn how to grow the business, how to grow my performance, and how to take my development to the next level. I am three months into this program and into the role and I have 3/4 of a year left. That’s it.

They don’t get it. I can’t go slow.

That is the reality. Every day I feel that people are watching me, wondering what will I do next? I have the biggest team. I have the most work. EVERY day people tell me, you have a lot on your plate. Instead of being impressed, instead of saying you can do it, they say, you have too much on your plate. You’re tired. You are doing too much.

I find that offensive.

How dare you presume to know what I can or cannot handle?