Your Negativity is Showing

Talking to my bro, though fun, can sometimes be a complete downer because he is sometimes the most negative person I know. Of all the people who I should be able to trust, he is the biggest let down. Instead of being a safe person to go to, he is instead the rocky shore on which I cannot find safe harbor.

Is it any wonder I have trust issues?

I should expect that discussing my dreams and goals with my brother would be a safe bet. I should expect that he would listen to and maybe encourage my plans, especially if those plans are realistic and doable. Even if they are fantastical and really only dreams, I expect him to listen, and not judge. However, this is not the case.

It is such a double standard conversing with him sometimes. He can go on and on about his dreams, real or not, and gets my objective ear. I make mention that I am open to the possibility of moving away from this area should a job opportunity require it, and suddenly he’s all like, “you’re not going to get an entry-level job that pays well outside this area”, “I don’t see how you can hope to make it elsewhere” and other similarly negative and subjective comments. Good job, boosting up your sister, bro.

I suppose I can see underneath to the real causes of his so-called “cautious comments”, probably due to fear from instabilities at his current job. That does not, however, excuse his lack of reciprocity. I encourage him and listen to all his ridiculous ideas without voicing my judgement because it isn’t my life, nor my concern what he chooses to do or not do.

I really don’t appreciate his high-handedness in feeling free to judge my plans and call my ideas crazy just because they are different from his own. It is even more inconsiderate because I doubt he will recall ever having voiced such ignorant “concerns”.

It’s not even that I don’t like Texas, because I do. It’s a great state, good weather (in the northern part, can’t speak for the southern half, haven’t been there yet). However, I am not going to stay somewhere because I am afraid of moving. If a very good job takes me to another state, so be it. Especially if there is nothing to keep me here.

I’m going to live my life on my terms. I spent over a decade taking the concerns of another person with equal measure as my own, and sometimes with more importance, and look where it got me. Fuck that noise.

I might love my bro, but he isn’t reason enough to keep me in a state if moving to another one means I can better my life, and in turn the life of my children. Where does he get off telling me I am wrong?

Lesson learned: keep my future plans to myself because I can only count on me.