This is for my absent father

Recently I saw that my absent father was creeping me on LinkedIn. Dude, I can totally see who was looking at my profile, why do you insist on stalking me?

I am guessing that I must have popped up because my brother unfortunately has him as a connection. If it weren’t for that, I would have no connection to him at all.

I would never have noticed, but being on the site more often is part of a project I am currently working on.

Fortunately, it is a professional network with no connection to my personal life. Even though he can see the same things everyone else can see, like my resume, all my work history, and educational history, it still feels like a violation.

Sadly, I ponder why he is looking at all. 

I wonder if he feels bad about having missed out on 13 years of my life. I wonder if he regrets having missed out on seeing his grandchildren grow up. Does he realize just how much his bad parenting cost him in the long run?

However, I doubt he feels bad about anything at all that would imply he is to blame for our estrangement.

Therefore, it irritates me that he is looking at my profile now.

I don’t need him sniffing around me like a pig after truffles. It is unwanted attention and I wish he would just stop. Especially when his presence just reminds me how much he wasn’t involved before. He failed me big time as a father. Openly admitting that he undervalued me because I was female. Undervalued me because as a woman, he knew better than me what I needed in my life, and I lost count of the times that he failed me on so many levels.

He wasn’t there when I was struggling. He doesn’t get to come around when I am doing better for myself.