Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

I recently had a friend call and ask me for advice. She wanted to know how she could find evidence that her husband was cheating on her. First of all, she knew he was cheating. Her gut told her so, and it wasn’t his first time on the merry-go-round, so the signs were there. Her situation got me thinking, why is it so important to know?

In the event that something is up in a relationship, the first step is figuring out before you know the outcome what your reaction to the facts is going to be, good or bad. If you believe that if your significant other is cheating, is this a deal breaker? Or do you believe there is something worth saving?

The biggest mistake I know I make is assuming that I am not strong enough to handle the break-up.
That is some straight garbage. I was strong enough to birth a baby, serve my country, and get an education. Am I going to die on my own? No. But a little bit of me dies every day that I stay with a man who betrayed me and didn’t honor our vows to each other.

In my friend’s situation, she confronted him, he (as expected) lied about the whole thing and now she wants a divorce, but her reasoning for needing evidence is so she can have something to use to negotiate a clean split. I don’t buy that for one second.

Fact is, in this case, she would be better off just leaving because this sorry SOB already has lied to her face and shut her out of his life. If she stays it is entirely because she fears a life alone, not because he is leaving, because he isn’t. Maybe not now, but maybe when the kids are grown and he doesn’t have to keep up appearances. If that is okay with her, then she needs to stop digging.

He isn’t going to change, and he doesn’t feel he has to. That’s that. I decided when I began to suspect that my now ex was stepping out of his box that I had had enough of his bullshit. So I didn’t confront him, I needed the evidence to file for divorce. I knew that if I showed my hand too soon, he would just try harder to hide, but he wouldn’t stop and he wasn’t going to change.

I just needed to nail his balls to the wall, and that is what I proceeded to do.

Why is it important to know? Because knowing is a choice.

Ignorance isn’t bliss. It never is.

The ones who choose to look the other way, are just lying to themselves, dying a little bit on the inside and finding something else to fill the gaps.