I Hate You More – Meeting the Female Mr Horrible

There may have been a time in my life when I may have cared what people thought of me. Not counting any of the time when I was married. Those years don’t count because I wasn’t myself, I was some crazed Stepford Wife version of myself which existed only in that toxic ass relationship. I have since booted that bitch version of myself and told her to kick rocks. So maybe I gave a shit way back when I was a teenager. Since then, things have changed.

In this era of self-appreciation and independence, I am not as invested in the opinions of others. I know they have them, and are welcome to keep them to themselves. So imagine my lack of surprise to my reaction when I was finally introduced to Jem’s shitty girlfriend.

According to my gay BFF, most lesbians have really intense relationships, some really good, and some really bad. So it stands to figure that its a 50/50 chance what kind our mutual friend is in. Spoiler alert – it’s not a good one. Borderline creepy, and completely controlling, our mutual friend, is in a relationship with the female version of the ex, otherwise known as mr horrible. For those of you who don’t know, check out some examples here and here.

Jem’s girlfriend is a bitter older woman. I don’t have the specifics of her back story, other than she has some kids, they have some kids, and hypocritically she showers them with attention while withholding the same attention from Jem. Jem has a son from her previous marriage, but the ex-wife has custody of their child. She moved up here to the DFW area for whatever reason, and the girlfriend does not like Jem’s son. Therefore, Jem cannot spend the same time with her girlfriend and her own child. She is forced to divide the two because Paloma is intolerant of an 8yr old.

The first time Jem mentioned her girlfriend to me, she told me of how they met. Apparently, Paloma preyed on Jem when Jem was younger, and her family did not like her. No surprise there if there was this decade older woman preying after a teenager. Then later, when Jem was married, Paloma faded into the background, but never disappeared. Waiting for the moment to strike, when Jem got divorced, Paloma swooped in to control her life.

She isn’t a nice person. She is mean and spiteful to everyone. She has a terrible sense of humor, and eerily like mr horrible, needs alcohol to feel comfortable in social situations around people who aren’t her friends. Unfortunately, Paloma does not have any of her own friends. So we are subjected to her presence 80% of the time Jem makes an appearance.

The First and Last Straw

About a month into our tentative friendship, Jem tells me that Paloma is giving her the silent treatment and threatening to move out. At the time, Jem and she were splitting the cost of the rent. They had moved to a fancy apartment, and Jem was also paying her car note and had just bought them a bunch of new furniture on credit.

Apparently Paloma was threatening to move out, move back to Mexico and leave Jem in a lurch. She was a mess. She was freaking out, thinking she had made a mistake buying all that furniture and moving to that new apartment. What was she going to do? It was a one bedroom, she couldn’t get a roommate. Where would she live?

Our group of friends rallied around her and told her that no matter what we would help her out and to forget about her bitch of a girlfriend. Things seemed to be moving forward with helping her get out of that apartment and staying in our other friend’s second bedroom. That would solve all their problems since he wanted a roommate too.

In retrospect, I feel like Paloma was going to move out for real, but when she heard that Lucky was going to provide her a place to live, Paloma had to stop Jem from potentially moving on without her. Tell me why they got back together and then acted like everything was good to go? That is when I finally met her. We were all making a road trip to the casinos and sure enough, she comes with, and Lucky told me to just pretend like everything was fine when I expressed concerns that they were suddenly back together days after Jem was gutted by the “breakup”.

Why do I dislike Paloma so much? Because she is threatened by anyone who is better than her. She displays all the same narcissistic behavior of the ex. She also is a toxic human being who doesn’t respect anyone else. When she is around our group of friends, she will routinely make fun of people, calling them names and mocking their lifestyle choices. Bitch is crazy. And we are forced to tolerate her because Jem insists on bringing her around. She wants to spend time with her friends, but Paloma makes her feel bad if she does so without her.

I don’t recall inviting you…

Paloma nailed her own coffin shut with her attitude and behavior the the time that I hosted a get together at my house. I invited everyone over for brunch and mimosas. We ate, we laughed, and we had such a good time with conversation that we didn’t stop the eating and the talking to do our usual and play some board games. As the day grew long, and everyone started heading home, I was not surprised that Jem and Paloma were the first to leave.

The next day at work, when I asked Jem if she and Paloma had a good time, she said she didn’t want to tell me, but she wanted to be honest. Paloma told her as they were leaving my house that she didn’t like me. That I talked too much. Ha! Jokes on you, dummy. I know I talk a lot. And the fact that you don’t like me is a relief.

Fast forward and things have gotten more complicated. Jem bought a new car for Paloma. A vehicle that Jem helps to pay for because her girlfriend doesn’t have credit to buy anything, least of all a new car. They moved again into an ever more expensive apartment.

Things came to a head again when Paloma quit her job and lied to Jem and told her that she got hurt at work, but the truth was she just didn’t like it and stopped going to work. She was out of work for almost a month and Jem was once again freaking out over being over a barrel financially, and it was Paloma’s fault. But nothing came of that. Paloma got another job and she learned that Jem will deplete her savings and bankrupt herself financially to keep her girlfriend happy.

I present the following evidence…

The following are my observations which I believe are the reasons she is threatened by me, and therefore tries to belittle me. First of all, her opinion would have to matter for it to hurt me.

Exhibit A. She is Hispanic, just like me. But unlike me, she has a thick Spanish accent. Racism and discrimination is rampant in this country. Especially in this bassackward state of Texas. I bet she gets discriminated a lot because of her accent. Whereas, I, have no accent. I get shit on by a lot of Hispanic people (even ones that were born right here in the USA) if they have an accent. They think I get to hide in plain site… partially true. But there’s plenty of other things I get discriminated for, but I get it.

Exhibit B. She hates that our birthdays are one after the other, and all of our mutual friend’s would rather celebrate my special day because I am not a sour pill who makes everyone hate her. As a result, Jem combines our “celebrations” so that more people will show up to celebrate her bitch of a girlfriend.

Exhibit C. She dislikes that I am so well-liked. Well, that one is on her. She is a terrible human being who routinely treats people like garbage. I like to treat people I call friends with respect. You’re not gonna catch flies with vinegar. Not that I want flies, but you know what I mean. I tend to be pretty popular when I exert myself, I know how to engage people and make friends when I want to. At the least, I know how to be polite and social. She is about as comfortable to be around as a cheese grater.

Exhibit D. She dislikes that I talk a lot. Well, I have a lot to say, and I am not afraid or hesitant to share my opinion or engage in conversation with people. Going back to exhibit A, Paloma tends to not say much because her accent makes her hard to understand. Also, what comes out of her mouth is usually insulting, so no one wants to give that kind of attitude more air time?

Exhibit E. Paloma needs to control Jem’s attention. If she is spending time with her other friends, including me, then Paloma has less of a hold on Jem. She needs to isolate Jem, and since the rest of our friends are male, I am the biggest threat, even if I am not a romantic threat. I don’t want to be around Paloma’s toxic ass because she gives me PTSD. Every little thing she does is just a clone of Mr horrible and their relationship is only going to crash and burn. Maybe Paloma doesn’t like that I talk about the ex because it sounds too close to home. Maybe she hears something of herself in my anecdotes of my bad marriage and it’s blowing her little narcissistic mind.

In either case, I feel this friendship with Jem has an expiration date. If she stays with this woman, I don’t see our friendship going the long haul. If there comes a time that she has to choose her girlfriend, or being friends with me, I don’t expect her to choose me. However, I hope she knows I will not be butthurt to let her go either.

Keeping Paloma in her life may force her to make some tough choices, and I’ve been there, done that with this dynamic before and it did not go well. I have lost friends before, I will lose more again if need be.