It’s My Turn to Take a Selfish

I am pretty sick of people assuming that I am going to sit idly by while they treat me like a side dish. I was actually feeling particularly shitty and would have liked a night out to do something distracting. But nooooo. Fuck that. It’s my turn to take a selfish.

Why should I feel bad that my friend got duped on the night he claimed he was too tired to hang with me? Karma is a bitch.

When X told me he got stood up by the guy that he stood me up for, does it make me a bad friend that I don’t feel bad for him? Well, if it does, I don’t give a shit. I will wear that bad friend label proudly because I am sick of other people assuming that they are the only ones who have a bad life.

It’s my turn to take a selfish

I see how it is

Should I feel guilty when he called me to tell me he did a bad thing, and I don’t feel bad? I don’t think so. Especially when I got a call eight hours after I sent a text to find out if we were going to hang out and instead he’s telling me how he got conned.

Do I care? Not so much.

Why? Because we were supposed to have plans, but then he was having a bad night and feeling bad about some shit happening to him. So what does he do? He pretends like he is going to stay home and sulk, but in actuality, he was just waiting for a better offer to come along.

The better offer comes in the form of a predator pretending to be a sheep. A bi-curious wolf who preys on vulnerable and lonely, but safe, gay men of his acquaintance on which to play out his manipulations.

I don’t have to say I told you so

This pretender did it to another friend of mine, and he is clearly moving on to the next one. I told him my suspicions based on the previous evidence and actions, and he told me that my worries were unwarranted and unlikely. That this situation was under control.

Is it gratifying that the words I spoke came to pass about their “new friend” being a predator? Yes. That’s the truth. I would feel bad about this development, but I don’t. Sometimes I like being right. Especially in this case.

Toxic Optimism

I didn’t want to be right, but what I do know is that people show their true selves through their actions. Unfortunately, my friend suffers from what I call toxic optimism. He is blinded by this optimism that he inflicts on himself and keeps him from seeing the truth about people.

He focuses only on the potential he thinks he sees in people, and not what is actually there. The problem with that is those people never live up to that potential and all that happens is that he has succeeded in lying to himself about who they really were.

You have succeeded in failing yourself and that is it. Nothing else.

Lessons Learned

Lessons learned: don’t depend on others to boost my spirit. Not counting on others when I am feeling blue. I can only count on myself.

Along with don’t bother trying to keep people from making mistakes. They’re going to do whatever the fuck they want, especially if what they want is bad.

Whatever he claimed were his motivations, I can’t help but be disappointed. This is a sign that I need to place less personal stock in the choices that others make. Because at the end of the day, it is his life.