Reality Dreaming: Sparking the Fires of Motivation Under My Ass

Some people remember their dreams. Some I remember, some I forget. It depends. If the dream leaves me shaken when I wake up, then I am going to try to remember it. Probably why I keep paper and pen near my bed.

The dream works

Although sometimes I am not lucid enough for all of that, and the voice recorder app on my phone has come in hella handy for that. I have also used the voice-to-text feature of Google Keep to notate my dreams when I am concerned that if I wake up any further, I will forget the whole dream.

Sometimes my dreams are like little movies, stories that I will hopefully one day write down and publish. Sometimes they are way too bizarre to have any real translation and are just impressions or thoughts.  However, the dreams that I do happen to remember, if they bear any resemblance to reality and events that could actually happen to me, I feel have significance.

Such was the case a few days ago when I had a dream that motivated me in a way that Marie Kondo could not. It’s not joy that sparked me to start cleaning. It was the possibility of a surprise visit from none other than the father of my children. The ex-husband.

Make it make sense

In order to explain why the necessary urgency, I have to rewind to the end of last year. Right around the holidays, the ex sent me a text asking if it was okay if he came to visit at the beginning of the year. He mentioned something about being out of vacation days, yada yada… I don’t care why he visits, just that he chooses to.

I try to approach our co-parenting relationship like an adult and have adult-level feelings about his status as their father. That’s not to say that deep down in dark places we don’t talk about, I don’t hate his guts for wasting 15 years of my life.

My boys come first

However, that is neither here nor there when it comes to the kids. Their happiness is paramount to me, and if seeing their dad makes them happy, then I will do what I can to facilitate that. Within reason, of course. I’m only human.

I was like, sure, just let me know when you decide to head this way. However, the holidays passed, January melted into February, and now we are almost halfway through March and still no word from him. So when I had this dream, it spurred me into action.

I dreamed that out of the blue, sometime this week during their Spring Break, he showed up at my door unannounced. So, when I woke up from this dream, my first thought was that I should get a move on completing the organization of my front room and clean the house like I had been planning to.

So far, I have not heard from him, and if all goes well, I will have cleaned my house for nothing except my own satisfaction.