The Competency Profile – It’s all In My head Maybe

I have a type. At least now I know I do. It is competence. I find competence hot. And if you are good-looking and competent, well that’s a game changer.

This particular specimen is a guy from work. Not someone I work with directly, he does contract worth for my company and he is good with his hands. And I can tell he is smart. I met him in my first year at my job. He came in from time to time if a client had an issue that had to be handled quickly. He was efficient, he was smart and he sparked my curiosity.

Then COVID hit, and we shut down, and I didn’t see him again for almost a year. I wasn’t sure if he was still out there running our accounts, but then one day in 2021 he came into the store and I about passed out.

I don’t know what had changed exactly, but he had evolved during COVID. It was like the pandemic acted like a booster shot of puberty and he had grown exponentially more attractive than he was before.

Maybe I was looking at him with new eyes? I doubt it. He was just that handsome. And considering that he was still as professional as before, I found him even more attractive.

And that attraction has not ebbed at all. It’s been two years since he leveled up in my estimation. I really think there is something compelling about a man that can do things. It is the worst to meet a man and then find out that he is hapless. He has to be able to do more than me. Like why would I be with someone who can’t do shit? I am sure there is something there to unpack, but therapy is expensive.

Not that I think anything will ever come of it. His relationship status remains mysterious, therefore he could be taken, which would make him off limits. Like I even have a chance, but a girl can dream, right? What do you call a book boyfriend that isn’t a character in a novel, but a person in real life? Whatever that is, that’s him cause he lives in my head rent-free. That sounds mad stalkerish. Yikes.

So he was at my work the last couple of days doing some contract work at our location, which I was now responsible for supervising and ensuring the job was executed correctly. On the final day of the job, I had left a few hours into the day, I had training offsite. But it finished early and I raced back to my work.

I arrived just as he was letting the rest of his crew go for the day. But he remained two extra hours tying up some loose ends. I helped him clean up and then he needed to collect some product for another contractor since he was at our location. Once he had the order in hand, he was asking me if I worked the weekend. I wish I knew if he had just been making conversation, or if he was legit trying to get my schedule.

I have worked out scenarios in my mind. I don’t recall hearing him talk about being in a relationship. His crew is all very attractive. He doesn’t have one ugly guy working for him, which is a bit distracting to the rest of the coworker population. A friend assured me he was very hetero because he didn’t even ping his gaydar. This friend is aware that I find him attractive, and why and when I relayed the story to him, he said I should have asked him out. As if!

I told my friend I couldn’t ask him out. I didn’t want anything to ruin the fantasy of this man that lived in my head. I don’t know what it would do to my soul if I like made a move, tried to flirt and shit, and ended up getting shot down.

I would die. Literally expire on the spot.

Honestly, I don’t know what I would do if it went the opposite way and he was in fact trying to ask me out, or at least testing the waters because I am so clueless that I went on about how I prefer to work weekends (I think he only gets his weekends off and is always working during the week) and work most weekends, and was working that weekend. Sigh. I am a flirting disaster.

Even without trying, I send signals that scream go away. Why would he even try again? If he was even trying in the first place, yeesh.

Maybe next time.

He is supposed to come back next week to finish one of the areas that was not able to be completed. I will just make sure I am there to provide support and admire the view.