Conflict of Interest Pt 1: The Lawnmower Man

What is it about me that just sets Hispanic men off? So far, it is clear that we just cannot be friends or be strictly platonic. Is it me? 

Two instances come to mind, one is at work, and the other was not work-related. Oddly enough, both men are of Mexican descent, although so far, nationality doesn’t seem to make a difference.

Let me start with the non-work-related one, which I lowkey blame on my mother.

I needed the lawn mowed. I had been using an app last summer called Lawnstarter. Through it, I found a couple who were steadily working on my yard. Then one day, they stopped coming and never returned. I should have known better when they asked me to go off the app with their services, but they were cutting me deals and did good work. Yet when they stopped showing up at the end of the summer, I knew I was going to have to start over from square one.

So fast forward to this past summer, and my grass was getting high. I was working long hours, and the peak times for cutting the grass I spent on the road commuting to and from work. When I was home, I was too fucking tired and unmotivated to get out in the million-degree Texas heat and mow it myself.

One day, my mother asked me if I had found someone to mow the grass, because if I had not, she knew someone she could ask for me. I was like, sure. She says the guy is interested and gives me his number. Thus began the strangest exchange.

The guy starts chatting me up via text. I thought it was just a random conversation and entertained it. He was dependable, showed up when he said he would to mow the lawn. My lawn has driven away other mowers due to the hill and the struggles with it in the overwhelming Texas heat. He was determined, though, and I was satisfied with his work on the lawn.

However, it suddenly took a turn for the strange and sexual. The texting increased. He found out where I worked and showed up to visit me. He brought me food. I insisted I was not in the market for a man. I had not hired him to be courted. A friend at work said I probably confused him with my incorrect translation of something he had said, thanks to my imperfect/broken Spanish. Regardless.

Sadly, had the guy not done a good job, it would have been easier to get rid of him, but after he met me once, he was insatiable and became obsessed. I did not find it flattering, considering how many times I told him I was not interested.

Everything escalated when he decided to send me dick pics. Is this what we’re doing now? He’s lucky he sent those unsolicited dick pics before the law enforcing the illegality of unsolicited nudes went into effect.

Note to hetero males around the world:

Your penis is not an icebreaker.

He wasn’t winning any points, his personality was basic, his conversation was basic, and all he wanted was a booty call. I’m sure there are better ways to find a hookup. And I wonder if he’s had any luck with this method of trolling through his client pool. Swim on, fella. There’s nothing to see here.

The grass is dormant for the season and seems to have stopped growing. He pops up every week or so with a text, clearly still desperate for attention. I’m keeping him on the hook, HIMYM style, for next Spring, unless I find someone else willing to cut the grass next Spring with the same dependability.