More Adventures in Social Distancing

As the pandemic progresses, my state is reopening businesses in stages. I don’t know how they decide what can reopen when, or more importantly, why? But I have tamped down my panic and gone out while still exhibiting caution. It has been an experience in otherworldly interaction.

It is fascinating to observe people and how they react to having to wear a face mask. If I were more interested in wasting my time with pointless arguments, I’d want to ask people if they are wearing the mask incorrectly because they don’t know it’s wrong. Or because they don’t give a shit and are wearing it just to appease the “world” that is making them wear one? Is having it sitting below their nose, or propped under their chin, a big old fuck you to society? Or are they just stupid and missing the point of how COVID is spread?

One thing I missed during the quarantine was pedicures. I can’t maintain a manicure because I use my hands too much and type entirely too fast at work to bother with nails. But my feet don’t see the light of day strapped in steel-toed boots all day, so when I am not working, I like my feet to look nice and feel nice. Could I try to give myself a pedicure?

Yes. Do I want to?

No. The whole point is me treating myself.

One day, my mother asked if we could find a place to get a pedicure done. She said she had tried the place she used to go to, but they weren’t answering the phone, and she didn’t want to show up and find out they were closed. I tried to call them, and they didn’t answer either, and their voicemail box was full. When we drove by, there were no lights on. We couldn’t tell if it was because they were out of business or if they had reduced their hours.

So I told her I would check the place I usually go to. It was a larger establishment, so it was more likely that if they had reopened, they would answer their phone. They did a brisk business pre-COVID due to their location. Being on the edge of several affluent neighborhoods meant that they had more than their fair share of housewives and women keeping up appearances to beef up their clientele.

Sure enough, they were open. I made us appointments and on the day of, off we went. Face masks in place, I noticed that they had implemented many social distancing measures. Taking your temp and writing it on your services card for starters. They had a shield at the reception desk and between each manicure station.

Then I noticed that they had fewer pedicure chairs and had increased the spacing between them.

In the pre-pandemic era, these measures would have freaked me out. What were they concerned about? Why were they taking these steps? I probably would have done an about-face and never returned.

Instead, these measures made me comfortable and more willing to stay because I will say, I did have my concerns. All the patrons inside were wearing their masks, and perhaps because of it, there was less ambient noise and less conversation. They took extra steps to sanitize everything. The smell of disinfectant and sanitizers permeated the air.

That’s the COVID scent: Eau de Javel

My mother, I can tell, is still not used to all the extra measures and the reminders to social distance. She had a habit of standing too close to other people. She didn’t look down for stickers designed to help you keep six feet away, she wasn’t noticing the signs, or simply observing a respectable distance just because. I had to bodily pull her away from other people, groups, and counters. Her survival instincts are for shit.

We went to the hardware store after the nail salon, and she made the employee at the key-cutting station visibly uncomfortable with how she aggressively invaded his personal bubble and was not cognizant of keeping social distance. I would pull her back, and she would wander back. Like what the fuck?

Finally, after the third time yanking her back, I said: “Mother, quit standing so close to the man. You are not keeping a 6-foot gap; you are invading his personal space”. She was affronted that I even suggested she was doing something wrong, and she said: “I am not”. Bitch, please.

Trader Joe’s with her was worse. The store closest to me has taped out boxes on the floor and put flip-flop stickers telling you where to stand. Then they ask you to stand in the box, away from the checkout, until you have to pay. They even have it in words on the ground, “stand here only to pay”. Despite this, she was oblivious, showing no changes in her behavior.

It’s not like she never leaves the house. She and my brother have to go out to get food and supplies. They aren’t shut-ins, even if my brother still works from home. Despite that, she seems to be unaware of how social distancing applies to her and that it isn’t a responsibility belonging to everyone else.