Your Limerence is Showing

It’s happening. And I am not sure how to stop it. Pretending I’m not developing a fascination for the son of an acquaintance is an unwanted burden.

I wish I had someone here who knew me well enough to slap me in the face and tell me to “Snap out of it!”

Today, I was walking home from the mercado with my son and I ran into a neighbor from the Colonia. We chatted while we walked, but when we reached the front gates, we parted ways, since I like to enter through the gate closer to my house.

When I looked up to see her cross the street, but who did I spot standing at the tiendasita on the corner? Yes. You know who. Fortunately, his back was to me, but I have now spent so much time around him that I recognize him on sight. A month ago, I had no idea he existed.

Now, like a silly goose, I turned my head and walked ahead quickly so I wouldn’t have to say hello. Fortunately and unfortunately, my son wasn’t feeling well, so I had a legit excuse to not linger. But I know the truth.

I am ashamed of myself to a degree. Mostly because I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be too old for this baby shit. But tell that to my brain. Knowing I have no business thinking of him doesn’t stop my mind from overthinking scenarios where we speak, and what I would say, while concurrently my brain would play a loop of every unflattering photo I’ve seen of myself recently. Like a loser reel in my mind.

I surely don’t need any actual haters. Seems my mind is an active playground for my fears, insecurities, and obsessions. No help needed from anyone else.